What form rejection WILL mean to me...

I can never think of something to write about on here. Or when I do think of things I forget them as soon as I sit down to write about them. So today I am going to enter The Rejectionist's Uncompitition and write about what form rejections means to me. Except I haven't completed a mss yet, never mind querying and actually receiving a form rejection (or a rejection of ANY kind).

So why am writing about it? Because while reading other writers laments about the awful and soul destroying process of querying and the damage rejection does to ones confidence- I don't feel put off, I feel ENVY.

Yes envy.

I wish I had an inbox FULL of rejections. Firstly because that would mean that I had finished my WIP, query letter and synopsis. Secondly each rejection would mean that I was one step closer to the agent who says YES! Most successful authors, throughout the ages, have been rejected. Lots of rejection is part of the process and I want to experience it all.

I will probably feel just as sad, and suffer the same self doubt, as self doubt is inherent to my nature anyway. But I will file each rejection away and tell myself that without them I will not find the right agent and publisher for me. That each rejection is bringing me closer to being published.

Unless of course I get told the I would be more likely to win America's Next Top Model than become a novelist...

Niggled

So I haven't written in an age:( Neither my WIP or here. I could give you lots of excuses, but really there is only one explanation. I have not yet made a time for writing. I really need to establish a routine. I am on my winter holidays now, and first thing on my list is 'write'. And second and third and fourth.

During the last (hectic) six months I have managed to sneak in a couple of pulp fiction books for light relief from my studying. I noticed a couple of things about the way they were written that niggled me and detracted from the story. The first one managed to really annoy me, the second almost ruined my reading of the book.

Before I go into details I am aware that these novels are not great works of fiction nor best sellers. I am also a newbie with nothing published and still learning the craft of writing. I realise that in the scheme of things my opinion may hardly matter. Yet...I am a reader. Writers write for readers. So I think my opinion does matter. Not as a professional, but as some one who pays for books and recommends them to others. As someone vital in the chain of publishing.

So that said the two niggly bits went as followed. The first was language. The book was set in England from the turn of the 20th century up till the start of WW2. The protagonist was a young aristocratic woman. Yet her language (not the books language but sentences she spoke) were more in line with someone from the last few decades of the 20th century and rather unladylike. And it jarred with me. It ruined the atmosphere of the book because I did not believe in the setting and the characters. Worse was the letter in the the story that was written by an older gentleman-with AMERICAN spelling! It does not worry me that England and America spell things differently- that America has diverged from the original language. The point is an English gentleman would write in ENGLISH, not American English. So what if the book was published in America? Those kind of details add dimension and authority. Those details change the book from being ok to good.

The second book was a very simple thing, but made reading it difficult. And it was a good book. It was written from two main points of view, and more added into some action sequences. The switch in POV happened within chapters, yet there were no breaks between the paragraphs. So one moment you are reading about Johnny, then the next you are reading about Clyde. And sometimes the line from the new POV didn't start with the person's name! So you would only know the POV had switched half way through the line or even two or more lines in! It was ridiculous and confusing. It broke up my reading in the middle of fast paced action, because I had to work out who the action was happening to. The stupidity of it surprised me because really it's so simple, all the editor had to do was put a line between the paragraphs to let us know the POV had changed.

What do you think? Am I over reacting? Or do these little things matter? What little things niggle you when reading?

a new day

So I have been very slack lately. With everything.

Studies, housework, fitness, friendships and relationships, drawing and writing, you name it- I’ve been slack. I offer no excuses. I am terrible. In part I am just lazy, but mostly I am just afraid.

I have a habit of withdrawing when things get tough. I get afraid that I can’t do it (or can't do it well enough), then I just don’t bother. So far this year I have become afraid of a whole lot of things, and the results spread into other areas of my life. For example I am not afraid of my friendships, I am just so worried and stressed and panicked and full of self doubt! Then I don’t give enough energy to the people who could actual help me. I am not afraid of housework- much! I am just worried and feeling down and it’s the last thing I want to do. (I have also realised it’s because housework gives me too much time to think about what a useless person I am, whereas TV and sleeping are mind numbing and hamper the brooding).

But I am definitely afraid that I am not good enough in my writing, particularly for Uni.

Today when I finally admitted to myself that I had withdrawn to far and endangering to many things, I still fell back on an old excuse I have (actually its one that my entire family employs with great regularity). I said to myself, “next semester I will do such and such”, or “during the winter break I will tidy up/get fit/see my friends/be a more attentive girlfriend” , etc etc. I put off changing things, with the pretence that later I will have less obstacles/more time/it will be easier.

And that never happens. (Well maybe only 20% of the time, but still, you know what I mean).

However, I know I'm not going to do any more in the future because if I can’t do it now, what's going to be different in a months time? So, today I decided that I have to start NOW. As soon as I realise I am being bad. I start now, and then perhaps I can conquer my fear.

I must not hide from the fear of my ineptitude. I must confront it. After all, failure isn’t so bad. Nobody cares that I am not getting A’s; people who love me and know me are just happy I am giving it a go. Besides, the reward of accomplishing something is great no matter how well I do. That’s what I have to remember.

PS On a good note, I have not bought any more clothes!

times two!

I have two things to talk about today. Two of my problems.

My WIP was going brilliantly. Over 30 pages and the last time I stopped I knew where I was going to pick it up the next day. My problem is the there was no next day. It is now the next week. I have legitimate reasons why it was impossible for me to do any in that time, including two tests, a birthday etc etc. Except when I picked it up again, though I had a reasonable idea where it must go next overall, the momentum has gone. I also have this nagging idea that I have to write EXACTLY what I had planned.

I know what I must do. I must just write. And write tomorrow. And the next day, and everyday after that. Momentum was more important than what I had planned for the next couple of pages, and a page a day is better than weeks of nothing. I still love my WIP, and my OC Lady Violet: this is just a speed bump.

My other problem.

Hello my name is Liza, and I am a shopaholic.

Today I realised what my boyfriend (life partner? other half? another blog post?) has been trying to tell me for a long time. My spending on clothes is a problem. I can not fit my new things in my overflowing drawers. I have spent more money on clothes than on anything else, probably including food. I don't know because I have not looked at a bank statement in over a year. I don't even buy shoes or high end stuff. Just lots and lots of cheap run of the mill clothes. I don't even have good taste.

I realised I have a problem when I saw my sisters closest and how little was in it. My problem started when I got my first 'proper' job, where I got paid a proper pay check at the end of the month. It started slowly, just a few items here and there to fill out my closest. Now six years later, (specifically the last two years) it is a huge problem. HUGE.

I know what I have to obviously. Stop buying clothes. Except half the ones I own...I don't like any more...

Big Mistake

So I made a big mistake today. One that I have consistently been told not to make (mostly on the blogs I follow).

As a writer one of the biggest mistakes to make is comparing yourself to other writers. Pretty obvious right? We all have different gifts, we are each unique and special and blah blah blah...

Well anything so obvious and logical when it comes to our selves is going to be bloody impossible to actually apply. When a girl walks past in those iddy biddy shorts with no cellulite, we compare ourselves to her. Unfavourably. Never mind that she's like eight years younger than us and a champion roller blader. We don't see the things that she doesn't like about herself (maybe her neck is too long and she thinks she looks like a giraffe).

So today I was casually checking out Janet Reid's blog, one my of favourites, and I blindly followed her link to Lauren DeStefano, not knowing that my heart and ambitions were about to be crushed.

DeStefano is only a little younger than me. But I am not upset she is getting published and I am not. She has written a book and I have not (well, no finished ones anyway). Yet after reading her (sadly sparse) blog, I almost wept in self pity and reverence. The feelings of doubt and inadequacy dug at my already tender heart.

She has an amazing voice, and a lot of confidence in that voice. She also has a clear imagination and an elegant locution that does more than "swirl around you", it pulls you into its own universe.

I'll continue to write. I will finish my current WIP. In tune with the tap tap of the keys, will be: "we all have different gifts, we are each unique and special and blah blah blah..."

inspiration

I AM SO EXCITED

I want to be writer, and I have the usual writer fears. The most common one is that I am not good enough. But I can work on that and practice. I can DO something about it. I have another fear that has always lurked at the back of my brain: that I don't have enough good stories. Something I have no idea what to do about. I read other writers blogs and it seems they usually have a couple WIPs going ALL THE TIME. I have had a few stories in my life, but not many. Until now.

I have been thinking about a biggy for about 6 months and have it planned out, though I haven't written much yet (too busy a Uni, but getting there). Then in the last month every spare moment I have, little stories have been popping up in my head. Its wonderful. Lots of characters showing themselves a little, scenes and possible plots. So I was starting to feel a bit better about it.

Then today a brand new, sparkling, fully developed story appeared (in the middle of a boring lecture!). I am already in love with the character, know her name, can picture the setting, her motivation- EVERYTHING. And its GOOD. I mean, I like my current WIP. A lot. Unfortunately it has a lot of kinks in it and things to be worked out, and I have been feeling insecure about it. But I LOVE this one and all I have to do is write it:)

I have no idea where inspiration comes from. However, I am so grateful to which ever god out bestowed this on me. Thank you, I now know I have stories to tell.

procastination

It is the end of the third week of the 1st semester of 2nd year of my degree. I am suppose to be reading an article on human evolution and the 'out of Africa' migration model for modern humans. It is fifteen pages, and I have to summarise it in five. Bleh.

So to procrastinate on that one for a while I have shimmied over here to add my two cents to THE NET. The great sphere of information, people and utter rubbish. This post probably falls into the third category, but hey. No ones reading this yet any way.

But what pearl of wisdom can I leave behind to shine on the rubbish heap...

When you have work to do (that is towards your all important DREAM), do not go NEAR the net, 'cos there is just way to much on here to waste your time with.

This blog especially